4 months

Tomorrow Oliver will be four months old.  Four months!  He currently weighs 8 pounds, 4 ounces and is about 19 inches long.  In the past two weeks, Oliver has moved to low flow oxygen, and is doing great on it.  Oliver also moved to a new pod.  He had been back in a corner, but the light switch started buzzing, and the physical therapist refused to sit next to it.  So off we went into a private room.  It is a twin room, so it's a little bigger, and it's used for respiratory isolation, so it always has an air purifier running.  I like the privacy, but sometimes I wonder if he doesn't get forgotten since he's out of sight now.

Oliver got a new neighbor last night.  Another 24 weeker, a little boy born at 1 lb 2 oz.  I talked to his dad today when he ducked his head into Oliver's room, and said, surprised, "oh, you have a big guy."  I think seeing O gave him a little hope.

So, so tiny (Oliver's first picture, he's smaller than my shoe)

It's hard to remember just how tiny Oliver was, and how scared we were, how scared all parents of preemies and sick little ones are. So many wires, tubes, needles.  Not being able to touch them, or even really see them from all the bandages and head gear.  It's overwhelming, and every part of you fears losing them.  While I wanted to tell that new dad, "I've been in your shoes, and it'll be ok," you can't say that.  There's no guarantee, and even now I still can't tell myself that it's going to be ok.  It's so, so easy to think that, but one thing his doctor has mentioned several times is that with Oliver's stage of lung disease, even a cold can be fatal.  I'll be so happy when cold and flu season is over, and we can feel safe to introduce Oliver to his family and so many friends who love him and want to meet him.   I said a prayer for them on my way out, also thanking God that that part of our journey is over.

Such a big guy!

Oliver had another ROP eye exam yesterday, and his eye surgeon is concerned with a spot on his right eye.  He'll have another eye exam on Monday to check on it, but they think they will probably schedule surgery after that exam.  They had told me before that they would do both eyes at the same time to avoid putting him under anesthesia twice, so I assume that is still the case.  Looks like we'll find out on Monday.

The past few weeks Oliver has been showing signs of an oral aversion.  He began to pull away from and swat at his bottles, and fussing when trying to nurse.  On Dec 17 they started a swallow study to see how he was eating, and then on the 19th they implemented a 2 day nipple break.  Coming out of the break, they wanted him to start with thickened feeds.  Unfortunately, there is no approved thickener for breast milk, so this meant he had to start getting formula.  This just absolutely broke my heart.  I'd already failed to keep him safe during pregnancy, and now I was failing to feed him.  I've come to terms with it, because it's more important that he eats than what he eats, but I'm not happy with it.  He's getting 90 ml approximately every 4 hours as he demands, and as of today he's taken 50 ml a few times by mouth.  I did request that whatever he still needs via gavage be breast milk only, so he's at least getting some.  Depending on when his surgery is scheduled, the physical therapist and speech therapist would like to do a barium swallow study to see how he's eating, and if he needs to remain on a thickened feed.

 We had originally been told that Oliver could not come home until he was on low flow oxygen (which he is!) and he was taking all of his feedings by mouth.  Since we have now passed his due date, his doctor is willing to discuss bringing Oliver home on a feeding tube.  David and I have a Care Conference with his entire medical team tomorrow to discuss the different options we have regarding bringing him home.  It would not be until after his ROP surgery, so we're still looking at probably 2 weeks, but the countdown is on!

Christmas was hard, not just because it's the first one in almost 20 years that I haven't spent with my grandmother, but because Nathaniel was sick.  A sick kid at home means not touching the sick kid who's in the hospital.  Oliver's first Christmas, and I didn't get to hold him.  But now with both Nathaniel and David on antibiotics, I fully plan on making up for that with lots and lots of snuggle time for New Years.  Nathaniel, of course, was oblivious and thoroughly enjoyed himself.  He had way more fun unwrapping gifts than anything else, helping himself to Momma, Daddy, and Oliver's gifts as well.  What did Santa bring Nathaniel?  I think Santa did an excellent job this year.  We went to church on Christmas Eve and I cried my way through candlelit Silent Night, all FOUR verses, DAVID!  It had snowed while we were in there, and it was still coming down, so we had a very white Christmas.  David and I bought a minivan a couple of weeks ago, so we had no trouble getting out to the hospital, even in the snow.  Yep, we're minivan people now, but at least I waited until we had two kids (Harv!).

Hopefully, hopefully, Oliver gets home soon, gets this eating thing licked, and is doing well enough that we can head back to Illinois in April.  We had been hoping to go home for a week in February, but since Oliver will still be on oxygen we can't fly, and we can't make the drive for just one week.  So two weeks in April is now the goal.  Can't wait to see all my family and friends.