4 months

Tomorrow Oliver will be four months old.  Four months!  He currently weighs 8 pounds, 4 ounces and is about 19 inches long.  In the past two weeks, Oliver has moved to low flow oxygen, and is doing great on it.  Oliver also moved to a new pod.  He had been back in a corner, but the light switch started buzzing, and the physical therapist refused to sit next to it.  So off we went into a private room.  It is a twin room, so it's a little bigger, and it's used for respiratory isolation, so it always has an air purifier running.  I like the privacy, but sometimes I wonder if he doesn't get forgotten since he's out of sight now.

Oliver got a new neighbor last night.  Another 24 weeker, a little boy born at 1 lb 2 oz.  I talked to his dad today when he ducked his head into Oliver's room, and said, surprised, "oh, you have a big guy."  I think seeing O gave him a little hope.

So, so tiny (Oliver's first picture, he's smaller than my shoe)

It's hard to remember just how tiny Oliver was, and how scared we were, how scared all parents of preemies and sick little ones are. So many wires, tubes, needles.  Not being able to touch them, or even really see them from all the bandages and head gear.  It's overwhelming, and every part of you fears losing them.  While I wanted to tell that new dad, "I've been in your shoes, and it'll be ok," you can't say that.  There's no guarantee, and even now I still can't tell myself that it's going to be ok.  It's so, so easy to think that, but one thing his doctor has mentioned several times is that with Oliver's stage of lung disease, even a cold can be fatal.  I'll be so happy when cold and flu season is over, and we can feel safe to introduce Oliver to his family and so many friends who love him and want to meet him.   I said a prayer for them on my way out, also thanking God that that part of our journey is over.

Such a big guy!

Oliver had another ROP eye exam yesterday, and his eye surgeon is concerned with a spot on his right eye.  He'll have another eye exam on Monday to check on it, but they think they will probably schedule surgery after that exam.  They had told me before that they would do both eyes at the same time to avoid putting him under anesthesia twice, so I assume that is still the case.  Looks like we'll find out on Monday.

The past few weeks Oliver has been showing signs of an oral aversion.  He began to pull away from and swat at his bottles, and fussing when trying to nurse.  On Dec 17 they started a swallow study to see how he was eating, and then on the 19th they implemented a 2 day nipple break.  Coming out of the break, they wanted him to start with thickened feeds.  Unfortunately, there is no approved thickener for breast milk, so this meant he had to start getting formula.  This just absolutely broke my heart.  I'd already failed to keep him safe during pregnancy, and now I was failing to feed him.  I've come to terms with it, because it's more important that he eats than what he eats, but I'm not happy with it.  He's getting 90 ml approximately every 4 hours as he demands, and as of today he's taken 50 ml a few times by mouth.  I did request that whatever he still needs via gavage be breast milk only, so he's at least getting some.  Depending on when his surgery is scheduled, the physical therapist and speech therapist would like to do a barium swallow study to see how he's eating, and if he needs to remain on a thickened feed.

 We had originally been told that Oliver could not come home until he was on low flow oxygen (which he is!) and he was taking all of his feedings by mouth.  Since we have now passed his due date, his doctor is willing to discuss bringing Oliver home on a feeding tube.  David and I have a Care Conference with his entire medical team tomorrow to discuss the different options we have regarding bringing him home.  It would not be until after his ROP surgery, so we're still looking at probably 2 weeks, but the countdown is on!

Christmas was hard, not just because it's the first one in almost 20 years that I haven't spent with my grandmother, but because Nathaniel was sick.  A sick kid at home means not touching the sick kid who's in the hospital.  Oliver's first Christmas, and I didn't get to hold him.  But now with both Nathaniel and David on antibiotics, I fully plan on making up for that with lots and lots of snuggle time for New Years.  Nathaniel, of course, was oblivious and thoroughly enjoyed himself.  He had way more fun unwrapping gifts than anything else, helping himself to Momma, Daddy, and Oliver's gifts as well.  What did Santa bring Nathaniel?  I think Santa did an excellent job this year.  We went to church on Christmas Eve and I cried my way through candlelit Silent Night, all FOUR verses, DAVID!  It had snowed while we were in there, and it was still coming down, so we had a very white Christmas.  David and I bought a minivan a couple of weeks ago, so we had no trouble getting out to the hospital, even in the snow.  Yep, we're minivan people now, but at least I waited until we had two kids (Harv!).

Hopefully, hopefully, Oliver gets home soon, gets this eating thing licked, and is doing well enough that we can head back to Illinois in April.  We had been hoping to go home for a week in February, but since Oliver will still be on oxygen we can't fly, and we can't make the drive for just one week.  So two weeks in April is now the goal.  Can't wait to see all my family and friends. 

15 weeks old

So alert

Oliver is 15 weeks old today, actual age, still negative in adjusted age.  But not for long.  This coming up Sunday, Dec 16, is my due date.  It's hard to believe I should still be pregnant.  It's hard to remember what being pregnant is like.  Oliver now weighs 6 lbs 15.6 ounces.  He's already bigger than Nathaniel was at birth.  Now that he's the size of a "regular" baby, it's hard to remember that he still can't be treated like a regular baby.  His senses are still very sensitive.  Many babies born at his age have hearing problems, but not our boy.  He jumps at any loud noise at all, and some not so loud.  Unlike term babies who like to be rocked side to side, he actually needs to be rocked head to toe.  The physical therapists work with him, and me, every day to break my habit of soothing a term baby, and training me on ways to handle a preemie.  When he's home, a physical therapist will visit us at home for a year or more, continuing to work with us on new exercises.  Lights still bother him, and although he's entered the stage of having lights on during the day, they're still pretty dim.



Mobile providing entertainment

Although Oliver will need glasses for nearsightedness, right now his vision is right on track with any newborn's, seeing best in the 12-18 inch range.  In a couple of months, though, while a term newborn's vision would continue to expand, his won't, and we'll get him fit for glasses when he's about 3 months old adjusted.  He has a mobile that he loves to watch and listen to.  Oliver had his weekly ROP exam today, but I haven't received the results yet.  The eye surgeon and his neonatologist will work together to determine whether he should have the laser surgery before he is discharged, or if it can wait.  They would prefer he have it before he leaves the hospital, because being ventilated again could set him back some, but if his eyes are still improving they hate to do it too soon, when they could still get better.

His right hand is almost always up near his face

There is the same discussion going on with his needed hernia surgery.  Some of the docs think they should give it extra time.  His nurse, however, really feels he should have it before he's discharged.  Veronica also wants to see them do it with just a spinal instead of putting him fully under, so that he won't have to be ventilated for it.  It's really too bad they can't do both at the same time.

Another Christmas outfit

Oliver has already outgrown preemie clothes, and is making his way through the NICU's stash of newborn Christmas outfits.  He's out of newborn diapers and into size ones.  Good thing I didn't buy any newborns.

Worn out after physical therapy

It hasn't really felt like Christmas for us, since we're so far from home and all our usual traditions.  Friday night we took Nathaniel to the zoo for their yearly Zoo Lights festival.  It finally felt like Christmas!  Nathaniel loved the lights, but didn't seem to notice the animals, except the giraffes.  They were hard to miss.

Pretty lights!

Usually I'd have Christmas cards made by now, and ready to go out, but I'm still waiting on getting some pictures back of Oliver.  AND... I was planning on taking some pictures of Nathaniel in a Christmas outfit this week, but then I dropped a bowl on his face and gave him a black eye. 

Way to go, Mama.

Eventually, I'll get some decent pictures, make cards, and get them out, but it may be cutting it close or even a little late.  I think this year, people will understand.

14 weeks

Look at those cheeks!

Oliver is 14 weeks old today.  He weighs 6 pounds, 3.8 ounces, and is 17 inches long.  He's also extremely more alert these days.  Yesterday, we moved Nathaniel from half days at daycare to full days so that I can spend more time with Oliver.  Yesterday morning when I arrived at the hospital, Oliver was waiting a ready to eat.  After nursing (taking well over half of his feeding, a new record!), he remained awake, just looking at me and around the room, until his physical therapy session at noon.  Usually after PT he's pretty tired, but at that time he was still very alert, so we nursed again for his 12:30 feeding.  And he still didn't fall asleep!  He finally passed out around 2:30, so when his 3:30 cares rolled around, neither myself nor the nurse thought we should wake him up.  He had another eye exam around 5:30, which further wore him out.  He slept off and on throughout the rest of the evening and pretty much all night.

This morning when I arrived, he was still sleeping.  I had gotten there at 9 am for his PT session.  We mostly focused on massage, trying to get him to relax.  He still likes to keep his shoulders tense and up near his cheeks, which is not only bad for his muscles, but also his neck... gunky stuff is getting into the rolls and he's not letting it air out.

The NICU - 's bringing out the Christmas outfits

Oliver is still on the high flow nasal cannula, but he's down to 2 liters of pressure, which means he's getting really close to moving to low flow.  In rounds this morning, they discussed moving it down even more, but they want to try to wean the percentage of oxygen he's getting first.  He's been right around 40% for a few weeks now, but during feedings and PT he needs an increase, sometimes up to 50% or even more.  Until he gets back down into the 30s, they probably won't move him to low flow.  Oliver's eye surgeon reported that his eyes are making progress.  His left eye no longer shows any sign of Plus Disease.  His right eye is still improving.  They've decided to wait a full week until his next eye exam, which is a relief.  He really, really hates those.

Check out this adorable baby - Oliver says hi

In the past week, several of the nurses he's had hadn't seen him since he was teeny tiny.  Everyone exclaimed that they couldn't believe how big he's gotten.  He's looking more and more like his  brother every day.  Look at these adorable little feet:


Such cute little piggies



With my ring, for perspective

The big question I get asked is when will he come home.  And the answer is still we don't know.  He has to eat better, he has to breathe better, and he has to get through surgery.

Nathaniel, for the second time since we moved here, has brought a cold home from daycare.  He spent all night last night coughing.  He's currently coughing his way through a nap.  Colds scare the hell out of me now.  I'm scared to hold Oliver, for fear I may pass it on, but I also still need to spend time with him, feed him, learn how to care for him.  It would not bother me at all for him to need to stay in the hospital through most of cold, flu, and RSV season.

Forget these pears, more cheese please!







3 months!

Oliver is three months old today!  What a journey it's been so far. Oliver now weighs 5 pounds and 11 ounces.  That's actually down a few ounces from a few days ago, but he's recently started a diuretic so he's losing water weight.  His nurse is actually hoping that without as much fluid on him, he'll both start breathing better and eating better.

Happy 3 months!

Oliver is now down to eye exams every three days.  Dr Oliver is very happy with the progress from the Avastin injections.  He still will most likely need surgery, though.  But the goal is that his lungs will have developed more before that has to happen.  He also most likely needs hernia surgery.  Veronica is concerned about him possibly being put under anesthesia twice in the same time period, so she suggested they do the hernia surgery with a spinal block.  We'll look into that more when the time comes.

Swinging away

Now that Oliver's getting older, he's also getting bored.  Last week they brought in a swing for him to try, and he loved it!  Not bad considering just a few weeks ago he was still so sensitive to movement that even rocking while holding him bothered him.  He's been waking about a half hour before his care times, hungry.  The swing is one of the few things that will appease him at those times.  I'm not sure when they'll move more to an "on demand" feeding schedule. 

We're still hoping Oliver will get to come home shortly after his due date, December 16.  He still needs to meet two goals before they'll consider it.  First, he has to be taking all of his feedings by mouth.  Right now, he eats between half and 2/3 of his feedings by mouth.  When I'm not there, they give him a bottle.  When I am there, we nurse.  He's up to 50 ml feedings, and his two main night nurses, Stacy and Rachel, can get him to take pretty much all 50 by bottle.  During the day, he's not doing nearly as well.  I'm not sure if it's actually a time of the day thing, or a person thing.  When he nurses, we have to guess how much he's taking.  We've tried doing before and after weighings, but he's a mover and a shaker, and I seriously doubt the accuracy of the scale when he's moving so much.  We've also tried pulling the milk out of his stomach through his feeding tube, but there's no telling where the tube is sitting and if it's getting all of it.  We're estimating he's taking around 15 ml, but again, it's a total guess.  He has to get much closer to the 50 before they'll be happy with nursing.

Twice a week we can stay in a "rooming-in room" to be with Oliver for his overnight cares.  Now, with the NICU on lockdown for cold and flu season, we can't take Nathaniel with us, so it means it's just me staying.  It's hard to be away from David and Nathaniel, but great to see Oliver overnight when it's a little more calm in the NICU.  Calm, however, doesn't mean quiet.  And as I'm a light sleeper... it means little to no sleep for mama those nights. We've already decided to donate some of the preemie outfits we have for Oliver to the NICU, but now I'm wondering if I should donate some sheet sets.  The rooming in rooms have either double or queen beds, and the hospital only has the twin sheets for regular hospital bed.  The first night we stayed, David and I thought we'd been short-sheeted.  Nope, just a twin sheet, draped sideways over the bed.

Lots to be thankful for

We are so thankful this year, for doctors and hospitals, for technology both new and old.  People who have offered so much to help us, and David's new job which has been ever so supportive.  And mainly that Oliver is headed in the right direction.  We had a pretty good Thanksgiving week.  Oliver, however, had a pretty rough week.  On Monday when he had his first injection of Avastin, he was put back on an IV and given Fentanyl.  He hadn't necessarily needed the IV, but he hadn't eaten since 6:30 am and the doctor kept running later and later.  By 1 pm, the kid was hungry, and voicing his anger about it.  So Veronica, his main nurse, hooked up the IV to give him fluids.  Since he already had an IV in, they decided to go with IV meds for the procedure. 

It knocked him out!  He got the meds around 2 pm, and when I showed up the next morning at 9:30 am, he opened his eyes for the first time.  Between being so tired from the meds and his eyes hurting from the exam and injection, he slept through the day.  He didn't have any other problems from the Fentanyl, though.

On Wednesday, when they did the second eye, his main nurse wasn't working, and the doctor decided that they didn't need to put him through getting another IV, so they'd just give him oral morphine.  I was able to stay for the procedure this time, since Dr Oliver was able to do it earlier in the day.  While I was holding him afterwards, his heart rate kept falling.  Each time it fell even lower, and it took him even longer to bring it back up.  In the 2 hours I spent with him following the injection, he had 5 Bradys.  The nurse watching him that day decided that my holding him was too much for him, and put him back to bed. 

He continued to have problems with breathing and his heart rate the rest of the day.  Overnight, he actually had to go back on CPAP because he was breathing so shallow.  Thursday, he was still drowsy, but was at least breathing better.  Even Friday, he still seemed to be out of it.  When Veronica got back to work on Saturday, she was very, very irritated that they went with morphine over fentanyl.  I love that she's such an advocate for him.

Oliver is gaining weight like you wouldn't believe.  Less than a week after he hit 5 lbs, he's already up to 5 lbs 14 oz.  I, of course, thought this was great.  His doctors, however, are concerned.  Not that he's gaining weight, but that he's gaining without growing longer.  They believe that indicates a protein deficiency.  Granted, I'm not the best about eating protein, but talking to lactation leaves me believing even if I ate nothing but protein it wouldn't change the consistency of my milk.  So his doctors are now also giving him a high protein formula mixed in with his milk.  He's having a hard time digesting it, so today Veronica had said that she wants to talk to them on Monday about trying a different brand.

We took dinner out to the nurses and doctors working in the NICU on Thanksgiving.  When I walked in, O's nurse told me that he was wearing his Thanksgiving shirt we had brought for him.  Except we hadn't bought him a thanksgiving outfit, and there was no way he was wearing Nathaniel's.  I probably should have taken a picture anyway, but I wasn't a fan.  It said "first Thanksgiving dinner" and then had pictures of jars of baby food.  We don't do purees, so it wasn't a shirt I would have gone with.

We take no part of black Friday shopping.  Instead, we took Nathaniel to the Denver Children's Museum and Hooters for lunch, and then I spent the afternoon with Oliver while David and Nathaniel napped.  Nathaniel had a blast at the museum, even though it was busier than I would have liked.  And the waitresses at Hooters always give him a balloon, so it's his favorite place.

 

    Last week we bought a video monitor since we're soon moving Nathaniel into a twin bed.  I wish we had gotten one much earlier.  The show Nathaniel puts on is sometimes the highlight of my day.

 

ROP treatment cont.

Oliver received an injection of Avastin in his right eye on Monday.  As of yesterday, it had not shown any progress.  The eye surgeon, Dr Oliver, called last night to let us know that if there was still no progress today, he would take Oliver directly into surgery.  Much to our relief, his right eye showed quite a bit of improvement!  So today he received the injection into his left eye.  They will continue to be monitored daily to check on the progress.  Once progress stops, or even just slows down, Oliver will need laser surgery to preserve his vision.  It will destroy any potential for peripheral vision, but not doing surgery puts him at a 30% chance for completely going blind.  We're more than willing to sacrifice his periphery.

Sleepy baby after a rough day





Oliver also had an echocardiogram today.  When Oliver was born, we were asked to take part in a lung and heart study for preemies.  Since the information obtained could have helped Oliver had the study been completed before, and since it did not involve any extra invasive tests, we agreed.  UCH is actually trying to determine if genetics can determine how badly lung and heart function will be affected by prematurity.  They took a dna sampling from both David and I, have and will continue to monitor Oliver's condition throughout his NICU stay, and will do a few follow-ups once he's discharged for a couple of years.  I would have preferred that the echo not be done today, and it's already been a rough one for him, but with the holiday, today was it for him to remain in the study.  He had morphine for the eye injection, so he'll most likely sleep through it, anyway.

On a completely separate note, how cute is this kid?

David took Nathaniel to the park while I was with Oliver at the hospital.  On my drive home I asked David if they had left the park for Nathaniel's nap yet, and he said that he kept asking Nat if he was ready to go home, and Nat kept saying no.  If you ask Nathaniel, the answer to that question, while at the park, is NEVER going to be yes.  Every single exit from the park results in a complete and total meltdown.  Luckily, this kid is pretty happy go lucky and forgets how angry he is once he's in the stroller and the park is out of sight. 

12 weeks old

Oliver is 12 weeks today, weighing 5 lbs and 3 oz.  While his weight gain has been great, his doctors are concerned about his lack of growth length wise.  I keep telling him that's just how my boys roll, but they want to start supplimenting his milk with high protein formula.  Looks like I'm also going to start on a protein suppliment, too.  Yuck.

Oliver's ROP continues to get worse.  This week, his eye team decided to try drug therapy to delay the needed surgery.  He received an injection of Avastin, which is a cancer treatment, into his right eye yesterday.  Assuming he has no adverse reactions to it, he'll get the injection in his left eye tomorrow.  The surgeon is hoping that this will buy about a month so that his eye sight will continue to mature, as well as his lungs.

Other than that, Oliver is doing great.  He's eating well, and gaining lots of weight.  I think we're going to take Thanksgiving dinner out to him on Thursday, not that he can enjoy it, but his nurses can.  We test drove minivans today, hoping we'll have a bigger vehicle by the time we bring him home. 

Nathaniel got a haircut last week.  Doesn't he look like a big boy?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

11 weeks old

Oliver is 11 weeks old today, and is up to 4 lbs 10 oz and 16 inches long.  He's gaining weight like a champ.  He's been nursing well, and last night took 30 ml from a bottle.  He's down to 2 1/2 lbs of pressure on his oxygen, but still desatting (oxygen saturation falling) a couple of times a day, and having a Brady (heart rate drops drastically) or two a day.

Look at those cheeks!

For the past four weeks, Oliver's eyes have been checked weekly to monitor his ROP.  Yesterday, we got a call from his eye doctor that it had changed from moderate to severe.  She recommended surgery, and immediately.  However, when the eye surgeon looked at his eyes today, he felt that surgery could still wait a while, but he wanted a second opinion.  So three eye exams in two days for the poor guy.  I haven't heard back yet on the second opinion.

From what I understand, ROP occurs when preemies eyes aren't fully developed in the womb.  The blood vessels behind his eyes develop differently when they're exposed to oxygen, and they start growing erratically.  If this growth continues, the blood vessels can actually detach the retina from the eye, resulting in the loss of vision.  The surgery would be to laser off the blood vessels that are growing towards the sides of the back of the eyes.  This would result in him losing his periphery vision, but would hopefully prevent the blood vessels from continuing to grow, but it doesn't guarantee that it won't continue.

The scariest part of Oliver possibly having surgery at this point is that it would require him to go back onto a ventilator.  Since his Chronic Lung Disease is still severe, this would be a huge setback.  Every little bit of time that he spends ventilated can cause further damage to his lungs.  And the worse the lungs are to begin with, the longer it usually takes for them to get extubated.

I'm staring at my phone, pleading with it to ring.  I think I'm going to have to start trying to track someone at the hospital down to find out what has been decided.  Here's hoping we have a little longer before we need to start worrying about this surgery.

Is it just me, or does my kid look like Kevin James?

It looks like we're going to need to start Nathaniel in all day daycare so that I can spend extra time out at the hospital.  I was hoping to avoid that, but hopefully we're down to a month or less in the NICU, so it would be for just a short time.  Luckily, he does seem to like it there. 

Fun at the park, even when it's chilly

10 weeks old

Halloween

Oliver is doing so well that sometimes it's easy to forget how far he's come and how far he still has yet to go.  He's up to a little over 4 pounds now, and regulating his own temperature, so he's been moved out of the incubator and into a real crib.  He's eating 37 ml (a little over an ounce) every three hours, and has been able to attempt to nurse a few times.  The lactation department calls him the rockstar of the NICU because he's a natural at nursing.

Big boy bed!

Since it's now cold, flu and RSV season, Nathaniel is no longer allowed to go into the NICU to see Oliver.  For now, we can still take him with us to visit and switch out with him in the waiting room or cafeteria, but if there's a flu or RSV outbreak in the area the entire hospital goes on lockdown and no children will be allowed into the hospital at all.

Big brother



While Oliver is making great progress, two things continue to bother his doctors.  First, his Chronic Lung Disease is not getting any better.  The hope had been that as he grew, his lungs would continue to regenerate and his need for pressurized oxygen would decrease.  Unfortunately, that hasn't happened.  At 4 lbs, he should be on low flow o2, but he still needs 3 lbs of pressure on the high flow.  Hopefully, as he continues to grow his lung growth will start catching up.  The other problem is with his eyes.  He has what is called Retinopathy of Prematurity, or ROP.  Right now it's considered moderate and is being monitored weekly to make sure it doesn't become severe.  At that point he would need LASIK surgery to prevent him from going blind.  Hopefully that starts moving towards the better soon, too.

 

Go Illini

I recently came across the website for an organization called Pictures of Hope Foundation.  It's a network of photographers who are willing to go into NICUs and take complimentary documentary style photographs of NICU babies.  We found a photographer in the Aurora area who is affiliated with this organization, and booked a session with her next week.  I'm very excited to see how they come out.  I wish I had found it earlier, because I'm already forgetting just how little he was at the beginning.  http://www.picturesofhopefoundation.org/



Oliver is 6 weeks old now

I'm skipping ahead.  I was trying to write out the story of going into labor, but I hit the hard part, and just couldn't go on.  The day we were told we had a decision to make, the day that we were told our son probably would never have a normal life, if he even survived delivery if they couldn't stop my labor.  I couldn't do it.  So I'm skipping that part, and bringing you to present day.

Oct 12 - First, it's my niece Corryn's first birthday.  Happy birthday, baby girl!  We won't be able to travel to Omaha this weekend for her party, but my sister Jamie, her husband Nate, and this cutie pie came out here to visit last weekend.  It was great to see them.   And, my friend Mindy will be having her baby boy today.  Congrats Mindy and Joel.

Nathaniel and Corryn at the Pumpkin Patch 10/7/12

Oliver is 45 days old today.  He weighs 2 pounds, 8 ounces.  I don't think they measure his length very often, but I have to assume he's grown at least a couple of inches since he was born.

Oliver 6 weeks old - Kangaroo Care

Since Oliver came off of the ventilator, he had been on SIPAP, which is a dual pressured oxygen delivery mask.  Yesterday, though, he got moved onto a bubble CPAP.  I don't really know what that is, but he got a different set of head gear which looks a little more comfortable.  He has Chronic Lung Disease, which will be a problem for at least his first 2 years.  His doctor this month (they rotate), Dr. James Barry, told me yesterday to expect that every little cold will send him to the ER, and a stronger cold will put him into the hospital.  This wasn't good news when we have a toddler in daycare who comes home with a cold about once a month.  It has me more than a little worried.

Yesterday, Oliver was getting 14 ml of milk every 2 hours, and his care times were every 4 hours.  At cares, he gets a diaper change, temperature taken, and a respiratory therapist comes to check his nose for irritation, check his lung sounds, and make any adjustments between prongs/mask on his breathing machines.  While he seems to like eating, he does not like being messed with.  In rounds today, his doctors decided that even though he doesn't weigh 1200 grams yet (which is when they usually change to a three hour routine), they would try moving his feedings (and his cares) to 23 ml every 3 hours.  I'm currently pumping about 150 ml of milk every 3 hours, so I've decided to donate some of the extra to the Milk Bank of Colorado.

Up until today, his cares have been at 10, 2 and 6.  I am there for his 10 am care, and on the evenings David can leave work a little early we head out to the hospital for the 6 pm care.  Now, moving to every 3 hours, they'll be at 9:30, 12:30, 3:30, and 6:30.  I'll have to be on the road a little earlier to make the 9:30 am, and hopefully there will be a couple days a week that David can take a long lunch hour so that I can stay for the 12:30.  We've put Nathaniel in 1/2 day daycare, so he has to be picked up by 12:30.  I hate not being able to be there longer, but he's in excellent hands, and Nathaniel needs me too.

8 weeks old

Today Oliver is 8 weeks old.  He weighs just shy of three pounds - yay!  He's had a lot of big changes this week.  He's been cycling off of cpap onto a high flow nasal cannula.  Yesterday they tried the high-flow for 3 hours, and today he'll be on it for 6 hours straight.  He did great on it this morning while I was at the hospital, holding him.  I really like the cannula because it's smaller and he doesn't have to wear head gear with it.  Yesterday they didn't start until 12:30 pm, so I didn't get to see him with it.  Today he went onto it at his 9:30 cares, so I was there, and boy does that kid have a huge noggin!  I'm not sure when that happened.

8 weeks and 3 lbs

He's getting 28 ml of milk at a time, every 3 hours.  In the next couple of weeks, I'll finally get to start trying to nurse him.  He needs to be off of the cpap full time before that happens, though.  His nurse said that he'll mostly need to be on a bottle, though, to get extra calories through an additive.  I fully plan on fighting this when the time comes.  I've seen first hand through Nathaniel that nursing alone can keep weight gain going.

The one set back (if you can even call it that) is that he has a hernia that is going to need surgery.  They're saying that it can wait until after he goes home, but then that means going back and another hospital stay after we get used to having him home.  I'm not sure why it would be done that way.  But overall, he's had a great week.  It's so easy to forget how critical he is when he's taking so many steps forward.

Moving to Colorado

David started his new job on July 16.  He traveled back and forth, home late on Friday, leaving again Sunday early afternoon.  It wasn't long before this started wearing on Nathaniel and I.  The last week of July, we went to Denver with him on a house hunting trip.  It was miserably hot, and I was still miserably sick every morning.  David had narrowed down our search the previous week, so I only had about 8 houses to look at.  It only took us two days to settle on the right house, and two more to get it bought.  It was real - we were moving, and we had a new home.

Our new home

Our house wouldn't be ready for a month, and after that it was going to take another week for the relocation company to get our furniture out there.  We had discussed Nathaniel and I staying in Illinois until everything was ready, but I missed my husband, and Nat missed his daddy.  We planned our move for August 18.  We were going to take our time and space the 1000 mile drive over three nights.

Nathaniel saying goodbye to our old house

Two days before our move, I woke up early in the morning to contractions and bleeding.  Panicked, I called Nathaniel's old babysitter to see if she could keep him for the day, and headed to the hospital.  By the time I got there I was only having sporatic contractions, and the bleeding had stopped, but I still felt like it had been too much to ignore.  I was hooked up to a contraction monitor, but it wasn't picking up anything.  They did a quick ultrasound to check on the baby, and told me everything looked fine.  I was given a lecture on not picking up Nathaniel, which is what they claimed my problem was.  I'm not sure how I was expected to accomplish that, but that was my discharge instruction, don't pick up your 16 month old son.  I still feel guilty that I didn't push for more - I knew something was off, I just didn't feel right.

David got home Friday night as usual, and Saturday we packed up, said good bye to our families, and headed out.  We spent Saturday night at our usual hotel in Bettendorf, IA, and Sunday made it to my sister's in Omaha.  I continued having contractions, but the nurse at St Mary's had told me they weren't anything to worry about until they were a minute long and 5 minutes apart.  While they sometimes hit 5 minutes apart, they were never longer than 30 seconds.  I was worried, but couldn't get the nurse's instruction out of my head, and didn't want to be told yet again that I was overreacting. 

We spent both Sunday and Monday nights in Omaha, and then Tuesday morning headed out on the last leg of the trip to Denver.  My sister tried talking me into going to the hospital before I left Omaha, but I brushed her off.  Now, I wish I had listened to her.  I was still having contractions, but they weren't long, and they weren't painful.  We made our way across Nebraska, and stopped for dinner as soon as we crossed into Colorado.  I continued to have contractions all through dinner, and starting timing them again when we got back in the truck.  Within a couple of hours, they were closer, longer, and starting to hurt.  I told David to find a hospital as soon as we got to Denver.

Our first night in our new town was spent at Lutheran Hospital in Wheat Ridge, CO.  As soon as I walked in and told them that I was 23 weeks pregnant and having contractions 4 minutes apart, I was whisked up to the high risk side of labor and delivery.  As I changed into a gown, the contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and the doctor on call soon came in to check me.  David had stayed out in the truck with a sleeping Nathaniel (by this time it was 10 pm), so I was alone when I was told that yes, I was in labor.  I was dilated and fully effaced, and the amniotic sack was bulging with each contraction. It was not a good situation.  Welcome to Colorado!

My first pregnancy - Nathaniel

David and I met when we were both working for Tate and Lyle in Decatur, IL.  After getting engaged on Christmas Eve of 2009, we were married on June 26, 2010.  Immediately after getting back from our honeymoon, we discovered we were expecting.

Pregnancy does not agree with me.  From day one, I was miserably sick.  Still, I enjoyed being pregnant, especially once I started feeling movement.  We had decided not to find out what we were having, much to our families' irritation.  Finally, some time in my 7th month I started feeling better, and the remainder of the pregnancy was uneventful.

On March 22, 2011 Nathaniel David was born at St Mary's Hospital in Decatur, IL.  He weighed 6 lbs and 13 oz.  As soon as my water had broken, we knew there were going to be complications from meconium.  An entire team of doctors and nurses were on standby for his birth.  We were told that there was a good chance he was going to have to be transferred to a bigger hospital in a larger town.  Once he was born, he was assessed, wrapped up, and brought over to me for all of ten seconds before being taken to the nursery. 21 hours of labor, three epidurals, and over three hours of pushing had resulted in a vacuum assisted delivery to ensure he'd have as much of the fluid he had inhaled squeezed out of his as possible, but he'd still had problems. He was intubated, twice, but kept pulling the tube out, so they settled on an oxygen mask that looked like a space helmet.  He needed a weeks' course of strong antibiotics, but stayed stable enough that he didn't require transfer.

The hardest part was that we were told not to touch him as any contact made his heart rate race.  Obviously, we were not allowed to hold him, and I wasn't allowed to nurse him.  On his third day, his vitals finally stabilized to where we could hold him.  And what a moment that was!  On his fifth day, his breathing finally slowed enough that I was able to start nursing him.  He didn't take to it well, and it was incredibly frustrating.  I already felt like I had failed him by not keeping him safe before his birth, so this just compounded it.  Thankfully, within a couple of days he took right to it well enough and was soon gaining weight.  He was 8 days old when we finally brought him home to our house in Mt Zion.  Breastfeeding would end up being one of the hardest things I'd ever had to learn how to do.  For something so natural, it's incredibly difficult.  The best advice I had read was to not have any formula in our house.  Had I had any at my disposal, I would have used it.  But I was determined, especially after he was born with complications, that he would be exclusively breast fed.

David had taken a new position with Tate and Lyle at the beginning of the year, and unfortunately, it came with international travel.  Quite a bit of it.  When Nathaniel was 6 weeks old, David took off for London for 6 weeks.  To say it was hard of me... well, that would be an understatement.  Nathaniel had colic, and would just cry, for hours.  Then, he had gotten a cold, which messed up his latch, which left me cracked, bleeding, and in all sorts of pain. I think he also had reflux, because he would just scream when I'd try to feed him.  He would cry, I would cry.  It was really rough.  Luckily, for the majority of this trip I was still on maternity leave.  We spent a lot of time at my grandmother's, who is in her 90's and doesn't get out much anymore.  I think she really enjoyed our visits.

 



 Nathaniel needed follow-up checks for a hole he had in his heart, but was growing so well that his cardiologist pretty much dismissed him as soon as she saw him.  He became an entirely different baby at around 13 weeks.  No more reflux, no more colic.  Happy, healthy, he really was a dream baby. 

David's job continued to take him out of the country for weeks at a time.  Neither of us was happy with the situation.  When Nathaniel was 10 months old, David got a call from an old boss, who had a position coming open.  Were we interested in moving to Colorado?

My answer was a resounding no.  Our entire families were in Illinois, all our friends, our lives as we knew it.  However, maybe this could be a way to get David out of his current position.  He already had his next position at Tate and Lyle lined up, but we had no idea when he was going to get to take it.  Possibly, if he had another job lined up, they would let him move on in order to keep him at the company.  So we went through with looking into the job.

In March, Nathaniel turned a year old, and two weeks later we found out we were expecting again.   I couldn't imagine going through another newborn stage, and this time with a toddler, with David traveling so much. At the end of April, we traveled out to Denver for David's second job interview.  A week later, the job offer came through.  And while we had initially pursued the job as a negotiation tool with Tate and Lyle, it looked good.  And it was a great company.  And, David really, really liked it.  It was a great opportunity.  I could tell, David wanted it.  Really, really wanted it.

Tate and Lyle made it really easy to quit - they did absolutely nothing to keep David.  And my job, well... it was just a job.  I liked most of the people I worked with, but a lot had changed at the company, and it just wasn't the place it used to be.  I didn't have any trouble saying goodbye.  Our last day was July 13.  David had spent his last 2 weeks in France, including the 4th of July.  I was ready to have my husband back, full time.  And if that meant I had to move to Colorado to do it, I guess that's what we had to do.  I did make David promise me, though, that if in a couple of years I was miserably homesick, he had to look for something closer to home.  I can do anything for a couple of years, right?  Looked like my family was off on a new adventure, and it looked like we were going to have to become Broncos fans.